Again thank you, Thank you for the overwhelming love since Friday. That is beautiful, just beautiful! I tried to respond to each of your messages, regardless of the media and hope to not have forgotten anyone. Thank you again!
So where did we leave it off?
Oh yes, my single life, my happy single life? Oh yes my happy single life?
Because well….I am still happy but no longer single. Like not at all! <3 <3 <3
Well this post isn’t to tell you about nor to shamelessly display my happiness (but dammit I love him!) neither to recount how it went down but more so what it taught me. Because we talked about “the rock bottom of single life” and I know that some of you will recognize yourself and that this will resonate with you.
Do not read into this like the 10 Commandments to find love. To begin with there is only 5, and that if it really existed, the world would know!
So for the short version, I listened to my girlfriends because…I myself must admit to not understanding anything. We talked about the girl’s dinner, I invite you as well to do a guy’s dinner with the theme “find me a BF” (and in reverse if you are a guy)(straight)(and mixed for gays)(we understand each other).
I will select 5 “non-commandments” which greatly helped me
1. The Meryl S. non-commandment: BEING IN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH
Yes, no, ok, Meryl Streep isn’t my BFF but during little chitchat with my shrink, (how do you not know of the little chitchatting with my shrink?!), she tells her son SPOILER WARNING “you’re going to fall in love a bunch of times in your life, and it’s rare and beautiful, but to build a life with someone, it takes much more”. The power of this thing! I love it! So what exactly more do you need?!!!
2. The Anne R. non-commandment: FROM NOW ON, THINK
My (very) numerous break-ups brought me to question myself on the choices of men I “fell” for. In effect without stopping to repeat the same pattern and continuing to trust my emotions, well I was wrongly guided. So to think about what I wanted, who would be my match, who would make me dream, beyond that “feeling” greatly helped me to meet someone who was “truly” made for me.
Think, think, you are not going to find that very romantic and yet it is. You will see.
3. The Thuy Nhan D. non-commandment: DON’T WORRY, IT EXISTS
As you move forward in this thought process (we talked about asking the universe), I would sadly see the field of possibility shrinking, moving from one infinite horizon of men’s (a few billions at least) to none…that I know. And my darling cousin used to tell me all the time “but if you exist, there is someone like you, for you, that exists as well. That’s logical.”
That’s logical you might say? But… where is he?
4. The Truc-Anh H. non-commandment: GO SEE ELSEWHERE
Well yeah, it’s logical, you have this circle of friends, including singles, including flirts, including “one night stands”, frankly great people, but whatever, it doesn’t work. It’s not smooth. So you have to change your habits, not do the same thing with the same people. And naturally if you are in that process of finding yourself, you will go to places and circles that have the same interests as you. This will be less comfortable than a girl’s night but will fulfill you whether or not you meet someone.
5. The Mai H. non-commandment: BECOME A WOMAN
Well yes, after all, can I count myself as a girlfriend no?! Anne also told me, “you, you will need a man”, therefore I must be a woman. More or less, in my case, it consists of becoming a person, an individual that grew beyond being a little girl. You know, that little being who does everything necessary, everything perfectly well, to be loved? (Ohlalala that’s material worth an entire post!)
In summary, for the instruction manual:
1. Don’t only look for the “thrill” of the chase, because in fact when you want to be in a relationship, the thrill will arrive easily, because you WANT it so much.
2. Think truly about what works for you.
3. Trust and let go.
4. Take risks.
5. Become an adult woman.
And there you go, I met an incredible man who I will introduce to you soon. You are going to ask me: is he the Universe’s answer to your question? I would say Yes and no. Yes totally, in what was essential (for me). And no, in what wasn’t. Randomly enough.
And if I go deeper, I would say that everything that fits in this question, is what is happening in the present time, the feelings, the value, the well-being I feel, the depth, the mutual admiration…what does not fit in my question to the Universe is everything about our future, like “we will have a Porsche together”……muahahahahaha, nah I didn’t ask that but you get it.
As a matter of fact I didn’t get the man that I “wanted” but the man that I “needed”.
As a matter of fact, this man I didn’t have the thrill when I met him. I mean not “that” thrill. And it is because of it that it was a real meeting. And not the reverse. I also met him during a period where I was no longer looking, because I was happy “as is”. And what was essential for me wasn’t to be in a relationship but to be happy. To be in a relationship, truly, isn’t that hard. To “be happy in a relationship”, that hahaha, that yes does become interesting.
Finally, that is like I took a road all alone and the more I progressed the lonelier I was (meaning less and less options). And at the end, there was this open scenery and magnificent hill and I was alone there. That I stopped, alone, but that I was no longer afraid. I was just happy. Right there. On the hill. And after a moment, I realized that we were two on that hill, him coming from a whole different place, but looking together in the same direction. (Isn’t that romantic?)
It’s because I found myself that I could find Jerry.
Indeed, I guess I already introduced him a little bit… ;D