Once on Facebook, we debated about the order of release of a certain number of write-ups: what is success? What is a man? The end of my single life? My tantric initiatory weekend.
Zelda suggested: to end your single life with a man during a tantric weekend, well this is what I call success!
With nothing more converging, I told myself this was a good enough roadmap! So the end of my single life is a wrap…
So, what is a man?
1_ FINDINGS: oh shit!
This is a question that I have asked myself for a while actually. It challenged me about 10 years ago when Lâm was interviewed back when he was playing the Penis monologue. He was the only man that declared being at ease with his masculinity. The six other men said they were depressed, “well good luck for those coming behind us”, “whatever you do you are either labeled as a macho man or a sissy”, “you are just a has been who doesn’t get it”, “meanwhile I really don’t get it”, “the way things are.”
Fast forward, a close friend was all depressed seeing his girlfriend at the time wearing pants and refusing him to entertain the idea of wearing heels. What I mean is, he wasn’t fervently into wearing heels but wanted her to allow him the possibility if he had the desire. Don’t you think he was right?
More recently again, another friend was telling me: “ I actually hate men” which kinda sucks when you are one doesn’t it? And for him to continue: “they are misogynist, overbearing, brutal.” A kind of blend of Donald Trump, Jeffrey Dahmer and the worst narcissist pervert.
Ditto, during my stint as a phone operator for the SINGA association working on relocating refugees, I noticed that most wanted families but no one was interested in bringing in single men, even prior to meeting the actual men.
So I figured oh yeah, so a man is quickly associated with a potential rapist, a mean thief, etc.… this is wild!
At the end of the day, it brought me much sadness for them because no matter what they say as much as it’s tough to be a women, I find that feminist groups and artists, girlfriends, etc.… have done so much to advance the cause, that at the snap of a finger I can name 20 chicks that inspire me as a woman. And while it leads me to question the matter, I can’t quite yet define it, I am very proud to be a woman.
And uh, around me many men aren’t that proud, not inspired and not happy at all to be a man?! What about you?!!
2_ THE ANGER: frankly… fucking shit!
And then I stumbled upon this video that makes me so mad because of course it happened to me when I was younger and because I have daughter today, it disgusts me.
And then maybe alongside you guys, I am reading this letter.
In short, I am angry. DUDES, THE TRUTH, YOU ARE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF FUCKERS, MYSOGYNIST, BOSSY AND VIOLENT.
And meanwhile what am I going to do with this anger specially since I… also have a son. How am I going to raise him? While harboring anger toward men?! This whole business is not going to workout!
3_ CRISIS RECOVERY… or not
When I recall the first video, to think about it, what disgusts me actually is society as a whole. Because as a matter of fact if we now have this type of tip off videos, 20 years ago during my era people used to say “oh well it happens.”
And come to think about it whether it’s men or women it’s sadly completely integrated and “it happens.” In contradiction to what you can see on the video, no one defended me in the subway, no one protected me in the stairway, neither a man nor a woman.
85%… I mean, to get to that point exposes a real a societal issue. And we all have a stake in it.
And then I found these several declarations of Justin Trudeau. And Justin, it… it made me come down, it calmed me down. Justin, is simply my hero.
4_ YEAH THEN WHAT IS A MAN?
Individualities are diehards and that is what is the most thrilling to live, share, enrich. we discussed about it for the Prince’s masculinity. However the older I get, the more I am convinced of a difference of essence between men and women. Between masculinity and femininity to be more precise. We are all equal, but my true belief is that it is incorrect to say we are the same, completely stripped of our true character. When we love men (women), we aren’t seeking just for a cock (a vagina) it’s about something else deep in the very own fabric of a man (woman) that we are looking for.
Nature is not only organic.
In fact, I understood something. I understood that a man, a real man, is not somebody that has to prove his masculinity or to impose it upon you by rubbing against you. A man, the way I imagine it, the way I picture it, is a man that protects, a man that upholds and commits to the human spirit, a man that is FIRE (read: faya)!
By the way, many women (straight) while they strive to be independent and strong and all of that, most of them desire a man that shows his passion, his fervor, his commitment. (YES WHAT I SAY IS VERY PENETRATING AND PHALLIC). This doesn’t prevent tenderness, vulnerability or feelings. How many times have I heard: “yes, actually what I need is this solid shoulder to lean on.” No, am I mistaken? Tell me eh?
5_ GO MAN, GO!
And guess what girls? I think that our collective anger is well grounded. It is based upon horrible ideas that we will soon overcome. But this anger had become an anger of my own and that maybe it has become yours as well? Against “men.”
The other day I was listening to a song on Radio Nova that went like “men aren’t what they used to be.” Just imagine if a guy wrote a song that said: “women aren’t what they used to be”
Can you think of society any more castrating?!
We all know the famous quote “you aren’t born a woman, you become one” by Simone de Beauvoir. It’s inspired by the Erasmus quote that says “we aren’t born a man, you become one”. And it I believe it is not only about social construction. Or maybe a social construction thats helps express something that is one’s true NATURE.
In fact, this is it exactly and I think that unlike a lot of women I believe that the world has grown to become what it is today (by that I mean violent and awful like some people might think) because it was essentially too male driven and not feminist enough. I think that to the contrary we are missing men. But men who are happy and proud to be, men, who don’t think they need to be like Trump. Real men are men made of love.
In a nutshell, I think that men are lost and that we are all in dire need of a better world.
And that empowerment that everyone is talking about, well it’s up to us to share it (and why this eagerness to always dominate… like the lowest of men). We must encourage our men to be better… men!
So maybe you will wonder why a woman dare give her advice on man (just imagine the situation round). Just because most of my male friends wants to know what women feel about them.
Okay, I ended up doing the most controversial post and I can be wrong but I am attempting something nevertheless. What’s your opinion?