My Anti-Stress Program

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Tâm means the heart. So here is a Heart sent into the air!

Hey Ho… Ho Ho!

How are you lovely readers? It seems that I haven’t come here since a while wow … 3 weeks?!… really? yesss! wow so let’s wish « welcome back » then! welcome back!

So during these 3 weeks I saw a lot of posts about 2016 in review and this got me thinking of mine. So, as I was in my mid December little crash, I saw more than simply a panorama of this « 2016, crappy year ». Because during this year I met an extra-ordinary man, I had incredible experiences that changed my way of seeing, thinking, creating and how I love. I continue to make bonds of love with my kids, family, friends and, of course, each of you. These relationships aren’t simple but they seem to be completely authentic (very difficult for an ex top of the class like me. For whom to love or to be loved has always rimed with « doing well », and not necessarily with « being true »)(this will be the subject of another post). It seems to me that I’d never been surrounded by so much love or people who seem so exceptional for me. This last year has shattered my life and not only in the wrong direction. But rather, deeply and durably in the right way.

This year also confronted me to my own limits. And the most important one for me is the way I manage my stress. A tiny burn out during the summer, plus a small crash during the winter, it’s truly too much! So, since a month, I set up a very simple anti stress program et if this can help some else, GO!

In the preamble, I learnt during my MBRS stage (yes always available, by now!) to distinguish the stressor (outside) and the stress (produced and so times, felt by each of us). so the ceaseless noise of a car could create a stress for one and not for the other. Which leads us to conclude that we all have our own stress activator buttons. But above all, each of us has his or her own manner to  manage the flow of stress information, transforming or not, the stressor into stress. So it’s very important for everyone to understand if the stressor « the incessant noise of a car » is active or not for him or her. And in case to readapt to be able to stop developing stress. You follow me ? so here is a part of your own job.

Personally I detected 3 major stressors :

1. I live several lives

eh yeah, I have several jobs, plenty (a lot!) of clients, my blog that I maintain since … the beginning but especially since September, with more and more reactions, comments from all of you (MANY THANX!!!!!!). I have several kids, an ex-husband, friends, a joint custody in Paris, my man in London… it’s… wow! I don’t complain and have a propensity for hyperactivity, not so much stressful  for me but right now I’m reaching my own limits. So I had to admit and to re-adapt all these parts of my life to bring them back to their right place, with this constraint that there are all vital! (what a F… we’re in a big mess).

That’s the reason why it took me so much time to write again on my blog. I need to think. This doesn’t mean I’m no longer interested in it. On the contrary, I want to continue but in a sustainable way if not I will explode (again).

 

2. I’m addict

It was hard to say it to myself but reading a lot of articles on the subject, in particular Geraldine’s one, and also the one she relayed about the way they conceive our addiction in The Silicon Valley (this made me completely sick), I had to realize that I’m totally addict to my smartphone… MAJOR LOL in front of the level+++ of my denial. Once past the lol, you’re realize how much this is ugly. because in plus of this ceaseless noise, as all kind of addiction, this one could ruin my relationships with the ones I care for. in particular my kids. So when I realize that 2 main ones were Facebook and Instagram I decided to delete Facebook app from my phone and to reduce the people I follow on IG (less news to see). It was pretty hard during the 2 first weeks, because I love FB. I never saw so much interesting articles, discovered so many amazing artists or sublime videos, or just had so beautiful exchanges. But, too much interest kills the interest. It was too much! so, FB is only on my computer now, and that’s just enough. So this is the reason why I won’t share so many *mai share etc* in the future : this bothers me and is a part of my noisy stress.

To be disconnected from the unceasing news, gives me more time (a more efficient brain) it’s incredible. In a way I’m less informed but I’m infinitely more « aware » as Jean-Claude  will say!

 

3. I would like that everything goes right

Well yeh, naturally I felt « a bit » stressed during this crappy year.

On a personal note, we talked about authenticity above, this year led me to change and this changed my relationships. The lines had moved, so now some of my relationships are more peaceful and some others… are being less. So I had to handle more conflicts. For me who truly hate this (jerry talks about « anger-phobia »). To be more authentic, or at least trying to be, led me to express things that I didn’t allow in the past (not to offend/ because it’s impossible/ well most of all because this is pretty scary etc…). We will talk further, but for me it’s much more complex : to disagree, admit that we disagree (war with yourself), to express our disagreement (conflict with the other). And this with caring as much as possible (when it is possible),  because I won’t change the values I care for. It’s so complex!

We will come back to this too… So complex! So, I’m learning, it’s happening. I learn particularly that a relationship without conflicts is not necessarily a good relationship. Now the idea of conflict is less painful for me, it’s still stressful but a little less and for a little less time.

As a result, we should take life, others, feelings as they come and not necessarily as we would like they are. BUT while listening our own feelings BUT without letting ourself overwhelmed by our negative emotions, it’s a long way for me (and to speak about represents a hard start ). but that’s the way I choose.

I also went back to dance and meditation, always at HeadSpace. I realized that I hadn’t meditate since September! (eh yeah of course!) 10 minutes instead of 20. This is very easy despite my busy days and sometimes I even can do it twice a day (which is better than 20 minutes every 2 weeks!). It’s pretty damn good! I’m practising like this since a month and I will probably continue!

Here we go. For those who follow me since a while, you already know that the Vietnamese New year is more important for me (January 28, this year), but whatever Happy New Year and my best wishes for 2017.  Wish you light, love and maybe … a little less stress  ;p

It may sound obvious but it isn’t. Because all this restored energy is life, light and love to spread all over. qed no? I hope this post could help you!

Love and kisses!

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