Thank you for all your comments on the Brené Brown video! As I was telling you, I didn’t stop there and I continued with another book: How Daring Vulnerability will change the way you Live, Love, Lead and Parent (link in French. And I don’t have enough words to tell you how this reading was…! Shit where are my words?!
4 things that overwhelmed me in this book :
1- The tone
The beauty of what she is sharing comes from this blend of an almost spiritual quest and the very scientific side to her approach.
Therefore you will know how to recognize the difference between shame, culpability and humiliation: the first makes you want to wholly disappear. The second connects to your action and not to yourself and the last connects you to what a third person makes you endure.
The excellence and perfection (we talked about it here), etc, etc…
The true vulnerability and the fake one etc…
2- the wholeheartedness
Brené Brown talked in the video about courage (wholeheartedness) and it’s frankly magnificent to live following this principle, this whole heart which engages you in what you are doing and showcases you wholly, it’s an everyday exercise. You know that it fits my quest and it helps me to go further and sometimes in a very simple manner but at the same time so complicated for me (“hum, hum, hum, watch out, I am going to say that I disagree, okay?” In any case for an ex-perfectionist, I find this very difficult. But it opens me to a number of doors, you don’t even know. It shuts some as well, thus it doesn’t happen because of a misunderstanding, you know why it closes. So in both cases I find myself winning.
3- The Anesthesia of Joy
I loved that she talked about the various ways we have to anesthetize our vulnerability: I never thought about joy. We are all imagining horrible things at the very same moment when we are experiencing joy: it’s true it could all end up in a car crash. What she demonstrates with her numerous interviews is that people who actually lost a loved one in a car crash weren’t better prepared by imagining the worst prior to it. They however destroyed the joy. At the moment when they could have shared it.
People who embrace life, during it’s peaks and valleys, practicing joy, gratitude, have also more strength, more resistance, etc… which goes to show!
4- The Shame of Typecast Repetition
Another idea that overwhelmed me is the usage of shame differs depending on the type.
A woman is supposed to be thin, pretty and modest. If she falls outside those 3 criteria, she will be vilified or at least some people will try to make her feel shameful, it’s horrible isnt’ it?
I found out that it was even worst for men! For obvious reasons. Brené Brown explains that the beginning of her research was essentially targeting women, until one evening during a presentation a family man shows up and asked why nothing was done about men. And to add “because you see my wife and daughter waiting in the back, they came to applaud you talking about the shame principle, although they would rather see me dead falling off a horse then not being able to ride one.”
Brené then started to tackle the male type and it wasn’t pretty. The list of shameful things “to avoid” if you want to be a man, a ”real one” is much longer (to never fail, no never show weakness, to be homophobic etc.…) and is perpetuated by… women.
Wahou ça m’a beaucoup fait réfléchir sur cette société que nous
Wow it really made me think a lot about this society which we would like to see emerge and the manner in which men and women have unintentionally completely integrated those traditional patriarchal values. It helped me in the relationship to “my” different men. Yes!
5- What about Parenthood in all of that?
Yes that makes 5 ideas finally (and so many more actually). There are two main ideas that I liked a lot:
5-1 Just be happy when you see your kids (not only when “shit I need to prepare dinner / pull out your homework / do you understand why you didn’t have a good grade / pff, what now? Etc…)
5-2 Be the adult that you want them to become
what kind of value do you want them to have? Do you really apply them yourself? She shows us how the difference between the showcased and applied value (in politics too) are totally dismounting us.
So there you go, I invite you very warmly to read this book, which changed the way I live, love, influence and educate! For the English speaking go see her blog (with some manifestos if you are into those)
ETERNAL GRATITUDE TO YOU BRENÉ !!!!