The Typical Man

in heels

there is a new French podcast (youtube) about man (well “boys”) which promises lots of beautiful things. Well, that’s what I say to myself when I hear my brother Lâm speaking, with such sincerity and humour. it is so important after #metoo to hear men react sincerely. supporting the movement and acknowledging their own biaises. i am touched to hear him say “i see how i have been programmed to be on top of the scale; and it is not that easy to learn to share the place now. but let us do it”. i think we all have to explore our conditions and biaises, and to the affirmation “no, no, no i am not sexist/racist/violent etc”, we could prefer the question “to which extend i am like that”.

for those who can speak French : here it is!

I wanted to pick up on what was said about man in stilettos. about what “we” cannot tolerate. Once again, you know my position on this: I do not see why we should glorify women wearing pants and not men in a skirt.

many women, including feminists, who call for an end of injunctions against them, are maybe spoiling their man (lover or entourage) because we shouldn’t be like this or like that? “Kick the depression, be a man!” I would like all of us to really think about it. Does something justify it?

and of course, i dont blame anyone. it took me so much time to accept my men to be doubting, failing, depressing? if I go deeper, i was angry (to see they were not “enough”), if I go deeper, i was scared. ok ok let’s go deeper : he was supposed to make things stand up, strongly, so if he was shaken, then the whole construct could fall apart because… “I” was not confident enough to even think i could take over and support him! it is not until I met Jerry and read Brené Brown about the segmentation of shame according to gender, that i really acknowledge the violence i was making to my men (incl. my son indeed). so okay, it is up to men first to do their aggionemento, but if they do, let us support them.  Let us become aware of this myth of virility.

I also wanted to pick up on the idea of being attractive, because here we’re talking about not being able to imagine Tom Hardy in a nightie as something sexy. thinking about it, makes us laugh. Why? we just can’t imagine he could be handsome like this, but in fact, what matter isn’t necessarily at the societal level.

first remember Iggy Pop wearing women’s clothes! and stop laughing! (hahahahahaha)

second, yes it would be easier if the society welcome this as a possibility but will we wait for it to change?!!

the other day I was at Philippa Perry ‘s birthday party, Grayson’s wife (who is, as you already know, both straight and transvestite), when Grayson took over the microphone to give his speech, he showed us a picture from their first date. he arrived dressed as a woman and said “here I am, this is who I am”. and this gives me goose bump. they’re in love for 30 years, have a daughter. and that’s all. oh no, the whole country loves him, he has received the turner price and the CBE (this pic where he talks with Prince Charles dressed in Camilla!)(i love the English People). so, don’t try to please everyone, to become a (sex) symbol, or worse to follow the example of a sex symbol who isn’t you. Don’t even expect that someone lights the way, or it trends to dare. you only live once (well … let’s just start from there).

be vulnerable, dare to look for and show who you are. we said, DARE GREATLY. and if it’s important for you, guy, to wear stilettos, makeup, (well my other brother Truc Anh wears makeup since he was 15)(and nobody died), whether you’re homosexual or heterosexual or 2 spirits, go for it!

heels or not, you are beautiful.

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