It is not the first time, this woman means so much to me. I have listened to her speech several times on friday and here are the things that came up to my mind and heart.
1/ a real man, a real woman : a real human
You know how much this gender question is important to me. Are we different : i guess yes, but at the same time…
A true man, is an male adult human. A true woman, is a female adult human.
In both cases, if I say “what a man” or “what a woman”, i say the same thing : “what a human!”. What I salute then is a person who rose up to Humanity’s height. Someone huge enough. Someone who shines with this universal graceful light.
It is not, as Michelle Obama says it well, someone who has to turn down women (or black people, or mexicans, or disabled people or any different people) in order to dominate them better. A child consider the world as an ensemble of desire to respond to, whatever it takes. all people who know children knows that. And to consider the world this way, when you are 2, 4, 6 is part of your psyche evolution, but when you are 20, 40 or 60, it is monstruous. And it leads to super violent things.
What also moved me in this speech, is this notion of “role model”. Yes, i did not verbalized it that way on my post about “men“, but when I wrote that the men who inspire me (TRUDEAU-oOOOoOoo) are men who protect and not dominate, that is exactely that. role models!
2/ Same same… but different!
Once again, I will never change my mind, the most important is to express one’s singularity as a human being. I feel closer to a MAN, who, like mine, take position against Trump, than to a WOMAN who does that. ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
When I talk about men/women difference, I am searching for answers, I don’t try to objectify one or the other. I am a woman, who is divorced, mum of 2, artist etc… I am more than that, but everything that defines me… is questionning me. So I am a human being, but the question of being a woman, and not a man, is important to me.
Back to our business here. When Michelle Obama begins her speech, she does it with her very truth. she sticks to the truth of her emotion. “it hurts”. What a strength, what a courage to do that. Her vulnerability took her to a place where she was like a shinning warrior. So powerful!
Then, she has shared what 80% of women have at least once lived : being seen, touched, forced, objectified with the most viscious way possible, by a man. 80%. that is THE norm. And I want to shout so loud when I think of my girl.
So we, women, we hold that in us, we share that in our bodies, in our wombs, in our hearts.
Men, no. I mean, this happens also. But it is not the norm that unifies them. What they carry, on the other hand, is the guilt of their act, of their non-act. What they carry is the threat of being seen as predators, it is sometimes also their difficulty to feel compassion for us, women. (men if you want a tip and have plenty of women for you, just be a feminist… just saying)
That is why I don’t agree with those who tell me, we are like men, because we have the same brains : how can we possibly get rid of our bodies when we talk about gender?!
Hence, women, we have to defend ourselves. Hence, men you have to protect us. A true man should protect those who are in need. And I feel so happy to see men, like mine, bla bla bla (okay I already said it) or like this one who teaches his son what it means to be a real man. Please read this, it is beautiful.
3/ banters… Really?!!!
If Trump talked freely as an individual (this is just so disgusting), if it was not locker room banters, well locker room banters truly exists… notably among very young boys. Our society is so misogynist that if we don’t have pro-active attitudes towards gender, if we don’t educate our girls and boys, the society will do it. in a very bad way.
Tuesday, Tâm received a paper bullet on her cheek, from a boy :
“Why did you do that ?
– ah well…
– You don’t do that okay?
– wow wow, don’t nag me like a chick!
– i don’t nag you as a chick, I make myself respected!
– … Sorry”
I feel incredibly proud of my girl, but at the same time incredibly worried. ORDINARY MISOGYNY IS A POISON! We have to do something now, either you are a man or a woman, do something or our girls, our mums, our sisters, ourselves will always have to defend ourselves of being who we are, women!
And our boys will think to be a real men means not to behave like chicks (what a horror!)(thank you Iggy Pop for showing us it is not a shame to be a woman), it is to shut up when you hear awful things about us, or even to say worst to belong to the “real men” band. Nope boys, real men, don’t behave this way.
look at what they did in Kenya to fight girls rape culture.
no means no.
In both cases, we would have failed : for girls and boys. We have to pull our sleeves up and show our kids what role models are. what humanity is!